Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday Funny: Why Teachers Drink

(I'm sure the following is totally made up, but still funny...shared by  coworker, so not sure of the origin.)

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed and vote!!!!!!!

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Have a great weekend!

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  1. I gave my oldest a book full of those for Christmas. They're hilarious. And if they let us drink at school, I'd eat a lot less chocolate. :)

  2. Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

    Because my "election" is that big!

  3. I teach college math. These are real answers, trust me!

  4. I dunno, I can see some of them being real, some of these answers are pretty earnest. I mean it takes courage to admit that you forget at what point the sun joins the battle of the Earth vs. the Moon.

  5. I need to use my brainium more.

    My friend who is a teacher still says the best gift a parent ever gave her was a bottle of tequila!

  6. Lol. :-)

    Teachers used to read some similar stuff to us when I was in high-school.

    They only cited works from other classes so we would't feel embarrassed among ourselves.

    Thanks for the post!

  7. Some of these are awesome!

    Id have loved to argue this question with a teacher:

    "Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections"

    I'd want to know what the meaning is of a "democratic society"? And then once incorrectly told the answer I would correct the teacher (-:

  8. Funny, but I don't doubt that teachers get answers like these...

  9. Love the pythagorean theorem - the answer is x=5! :) Nearly every semester of engineering school, I would briefly toy with switching my major to math education. But the thought of grading tests with answers like this had me RUNNING back to my crazy classes on soil mechanics, reinforced concrete design and traffic engineering.

  10. Very funny! I really liked the four seasons one.

  11. hilarious. i've seen some of them - always funny.


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