Friday, July 22, 2011

EXTREMELY SCIENTIFIC STUDY FINDS SHOCKING DISCOVERY


Newmarket, NH, Summer 2011 – GoLite Footwear has released the data from the company’s extremely scientific study involving trail running and shoes. The study, which the company had for reasons of security code-named, “That study we’re doing,” revealed results with far-reaching implications.

“We worked with scientists that know a lot about science and doing scientific things,” says Doug Clark, CEO of GoLite Footwear. “What they did was research. Things with numbers. And charts. It’s really quite complicated. But in layman’s terms, they did sciency things.”

The study began in earnest when GoLite Footwear set out to revolutionize trail running by providing footwear that struck the perfect balance between “minimal footwear” —or, as it’s better known to trail runners, “really painful shoes”—and traditional trail running footwear.

“Our scientists culled through a tremendous amount of data,” continued Clark. “And what they discovered…well, frankly it shocked us. I mean, there’s an entire sport—an entire industry—that’s going to be shaken to its core when I say this: The study conclusively proved that…rocks hurt.”

The idea that rocks hurt is bound to have a profound and lasting impact on trail runners worldwide. Preparing for the impact of this news, GoLite revved up its efforts to create breakthrough technologies that allow runners to have a natural stride while not letting rocks hurt. “We call it the Zero Impact platform,” explained Vivian Lefebvre, Director of PR and Marketing. “Traditional running shoes have an elevated heel, but our shoes keep feet level, which is how feet were designed to work best. And, when you step on a rock—because our scientific study revealed that trails have rocks on them—our Rock Absorber technology lets the sole yield to them…so they don’t hurt.”

Call it a case of good timing: the company’s new collection of outdoor performance shoes is available for purchase just as the study’s results are being released. “We’re really very lucky. But we also think trail runners are very lucky. Think of it, just as we announce that rocks hurt, we offer footwear that makes rocks not hurt,” says Clark.



Thanks GoLite for the Friday Funny!
Have a great weekend, all!

15 comments:

  1. And they really hurt when you trip and fall on them!

    Happy Friday!:)

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  2. Brilliance is often found in simplicity.

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  3. Made me smile this morning :)

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  4. Really! Holy crow! They hurt bad when you're looking at an Iphone barefoot and slam your toe on to a big one!

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  5. That was hilarious! I love GoLite!

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  6. Funny. :) I'm with Adrienne.

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  7. Ha! funny does of Kovas this morning. Did you change your blog up or has it always been the same?

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  8. BAHAHAHAHA! I was just having this discussion last night with JP.

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  9. It's not the fall that hurts, it's the sudden stop at the end. You, too, have a lovely weekend.

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  10. Thanks for the explanation! I always wondered why my feet hurt when trail running with rocks involved. Duh, it's the rocks! Now if I could just figure out why my thumb heyrts when I hit it with a hammer :-). Maybe Stanley tools has a secret study underway.

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  11. Could they work in "gravity" next? It has been slowing me down.

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  12. Amazing! This must be how Americans felt years ago when we landed on the moon... Incredible.

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